Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize