He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
