oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
