i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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