He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
