My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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