Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
