remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
