I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
