I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
