Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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