just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
