my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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