hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
