Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
