I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
