Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
