I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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