when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
