walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
