Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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