Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
