why didn't you poke me back
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
