I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you had me at cake vodka
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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