matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
