I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
