i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
