I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
