Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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