absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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