If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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