she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
