I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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