I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
