you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize