so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
