I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
