I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
