Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
