oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
