I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
vagina is talking i cant
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
