I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
