This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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