YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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