Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize