You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
