Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
