Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
