Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize