we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
