i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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