yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
