I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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