You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
