You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
