there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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