He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
