my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
