like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
she smelled like a LAN party
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
