Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize