So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
