yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
