This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
