UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
