shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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