found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
