either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
