he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
