Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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