Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He did a backflip because drugs
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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