Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Did you pee in the oven last night??
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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