If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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