i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
