he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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