She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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