all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
