i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
