at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
