did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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