just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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