note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
