Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm at about main and main street
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
