I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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